Two Books to Break Your Spirit This Valentine’s Day

6 Feb

This Valentine’s Day, put down the pipe bomb and kill yourself with a book instead. Overcome emotional eating by telling your nasty pet what the bullies did to you in junior high. Buy some new sweatpants at K-Mart and breathe easy knowing everybody hates you. Go to church. Reenact your best worst memories with your dad. Shoot up your favorite fast food restaurant. Or just shoot up.

Because black metal is hot.

Because the art museum is a great place to die.

Because books about death and dying are sexy.

Order Anatomy Courses and The Obese to get laid this Valentine’s Day.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: