THE NO HELLOS DIET
“The thought of calling off work is like the thought of suicide, just nice to think about.”
In The No Hellos Diet, Sam Pink brings you straight into a world you’ve never been to before: your own life.
Find yourself working at a department store where everyone must wear red and khaki clothing. Find yourself throwing out garbage for fifty cents more than minimum wage. Find yourself worried about getting your arm ripped off by the box compactor. Find yourself talking about licking assholes with your co-worker. Find yourself driving away into a video game sunset with an Amish man.
The No Hellos Diet reminds you about the time you burnt down your future ex girlfriend’s trampoline. It reminds you about the couple of times you smoked crack. And the time you meditated on the most important question of all: Can a cat be killed with a single punch?
Find yourself stunned by the prose of a modern novel-master as he follows the course of your life for an entire year.
Find yourself ready to live the no hellos diet.
Oh man, it just had to happen. Someone had to be a bagger at a grocery store and fantasize about hitting children in the head with wine bottles. Someone had to fear a puddle floating at him from across the street. Someone had to celebrate beating up a pregnant woman. Someone just HAD to be a nanny, and stare at giant motorized spiders.
Jeez oh man!
Don’t ask why a teenager in a Chicago Bulls overcoat is feeding baby rabbits to a toad. Don’t ask why someone had to run around the backyard with a bedsheet cape after drinking moonshine. And don’t ask why jumping down stairs feels like success.
Just sit back, drink a piss-infused Bloody Mary, and learn to hurt others.